EUROVISION: Semi Final 1

Confession: I am a Eurovision freshie. I have no idea what it is. Is there a judging criteria? What are the rules? Can they be penalised for an overuse of the wind machine?


Moldova- I Want Your Love

Hanson looks like he's trying to break into the 90s boyband market. 

Is that a member of Hanson? Why does he have policewomen around him. Does he want their love? Whose love does he want?

Hanson tries to make us want his love by flashing his abs.

Woah woah woah. Is this a thing? Someone tell me the rules of Eurovision! Surely there must be a rule about not exploiting one's abs to get votes! Is this how he goes about showing he wants our love? 

Armenia- Face The Shadow

and here we gather to summon a supernatural being with unknown powers.
May they help us win Eurovision 2k15.

I'm getting a serious witchy, summoning vibe here. So. Much. Smoke.

Belgium- Rhythm Inside
He is the male Lorde. This song has a similar vibe to  'Yellow Flicker Beat', even some of this choreography feels like the AMA's performance from last year. Homeboy can stare down the barrel of the camera like there is no tomorrow. I love it.

'Oh look! We're dressed exactly the same as Lorde's backups at the AMAs!
Fancy that!' 

Third performance and this has changed my life.

The Netherlands- Walk Along

Gaga is that you?

Why-hy-hy-hy-hy?! This song is my anthem for Eurovision so far. It's asking all the important questions while giving off some serious 2000s Kelly Clarkson vibes.

Finland

Bright lights and jerky camerawork will add to the punk aesthetic. 

85 seconds of punk. Is 85 seconds I'll never get back.

Greece- One Last Breath

She's reaching to 'build bridges' between the countries!
Either that or she's trying to get financial aid for Greece.

Celine Dion is that you? Ah there's the wind machine! I was beginning to think the use of a wind machine was a myth in this competition!

'Just one last breath'
*holds up two fingers*
So what is the truth.

Estonia- Goodbye to Yesterday

"Why didn't you wake me up?"
"Oh my god. Not now, we're performing to 45 countries right now. Can't this wait?"

Country music?  Maybe that's why I didn't wake you up.

FYR Macedonia- Autumn Leaves

Hey there Sam Smith! I'm starting to think Eurovision is a gathering for celebrity doppelgängers.
"I'm falling like the Autumn Leaves." So you're dying?

Serbia- Beauty Never Lies

The Phantom was just so taken with the June Rebellion he wrote
a new opera for Christine to sing in the 21st Century.

She looks amazing. A song is not complete without oh whoa oh's. The back up singers/ dancers are a weird mix of Les Miserables revolutionaries and Phantom of the Opera. This is definitely something the Phantom would sing to Christine.
This took a turn to EDM. Bye bye Phantoms.

Hungary- Wars for Nothing

Hungary sticks closely to the theme and delivers a lovely ballad to
 remind everyone that we are all the same. 

Guitar strum. Slowing it right down after Serbia. Ah yes, Wars are for nothing, let us remind everyone about how we're connected by projections of constellations and stars. By the way, stars imminently will explode and we will all die. And that kids, is why wars are for nothing.

Belarus- Time

Is that Justin Timberlake?

Time is like thunder? Where's your proof? This is not a fact, it's a very bad simile. Time passes, I've never felt time 'beat like thunder'. Is it difficult to play the violin and spin at the same time?

Russia- A Million Voices

They missed a right turn on their way to the Frozen sing-a-long.

What dream do we believe in? Only a million voices? What about the other billions? Why can't we hear them? This song would be right at home in the credits sequence of Frozen.

Denmark-The Way You Are

Gotta love a good 50s inspired set!

This is a good boppy tune. Are they Denmark's answer to 5 Seconds of Summer? This song is so happy, I'm suspicious.

Albania- I'm Alive

She's wearing a sparkly cape! She needs to talk to whoever chose her earrings.

Romania- All Over Again

Can't wear all black without a statement piece!

He's got a nice voice. I want to learn Romanian now. I don't understand what he's saying but I feel like he's teaching me a life lesson.

Georgia- Warrior

I want to be her when I grow up.

Black feathered shoulder pieces. Dark lipstick. Metallic futuristic  headpiece. Because aesthetic. I dig it.
Maybe at the end of this song she'll fly off stage with her feathers and wind machine.


Top picks: Belgium, Serbia, Georgia

I did it. I survived my first Eurovision experience. The commentators are signing off but they tell me there's another semi-final on tomorrow night? What will tomorrow's performances bring? Will there be more terrible similes? Will the wind machine be used more often? Will there be more glitter? What will Conchita wear tomorrow?
Watching this semi final has not made Eurovision any clearer to me.
I'm turning off the TV with more questions than when I started.