I missed the beginning of the Tom Odell concert.
I was huddled in the side bar of the Manchester O2 Apollo, a plastic cup of water in one hand and the other on my chest. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a white cross on a green background, I was near the paramedics.
That was not how the night started.
We had travelled into Manchester after a day of class, I was very excited about seeing Tom Odell live in concert. I was wearing a black long sleeved top, the kind with a choker bit at the top. A merchandising girl asked if we wanted to download the O2 app to get some great offers on merch and drinks for the night. She was nice.
As we made our way towards the front of the standing room, I could tell it would be a much different night to the last time I had been at the Apollo, for The 1975. There would be no wild jumping and frenzied fans this time, just pure appreciation for music. The crowd was much older as well, everything was fine. We even made concert friends with two girls, one of whom turned and told me that Tom Odell was her 'hall pass with her boyfriend'. As the Rag n Bone Man finished up his set, I could feel fatigue setting in. A recurring con for being short means I am consistently in heeled shoes. My desperate attempt to level the standing field so to speak, it never really does much help but for the sake of my self-esteem let's all pretend it makes me 6 feet tall.
The fatigue was creeping up my legs. I wriggled my toes the way I did back in my choir days, I knew it was important to keep the blood flowing otherwise I would be flat on the floor in a matter of seconds. There was no more drink in my cup. People started to get impatient and began slowly pushing towards the front of the room. I was caught up in a simple ebb and flow of people, much like the beginnings of a big wave waiting to wash over everything and everyone.
Then I felt it, I was either going to have a panic attack or pass out. Remember that top I decided to wear? Turns out constricting my airways doesn't really help with the whole anxiety situation. I grabbed Brad and walked to the side of the room. Immediately a security lady came up and led me to the side bar.
So we're where we started.
I was anxious to go back in and just as I walked into the side bar, the lights dimmed. Just my luck.
The opening chords of the first song began, the crowd cheered and as Tom started singing I decided to go back in. We hadn't travelled all that way for me to have a panic attack, we had gone to have a great night and listen to some great music.
On re-entering the room, we went to the back. Although we weren't as close as before there was much more room to breathe and move around.
He launched into his second song of the night, our first full song.
I know what you told me.
I know that it's all over
and I know I can't keep calling every time I run,
I keep on falling.
The chorus of I Know transported me back to the day I got my drivers license in 2014. I was not in a great place but had driven out to the closest JB HIFI. I didn't know what I was looking for, but when I happened across Tom Odell's first album I knew I had to buy it.
That album was the soundtrack to many late night rainy drives, songs on it made an appearance in almost every playlist I made, it was played as I sat looking out of many windows (a la Bella in New Moon when Edward left her, except in my case there were no bloodthirsty vampires involved or creepy men who stalk their 'girlfriends' but that discussion is for another blogpost).
It was and is an important album to me.
Seeing it performed live brought home just how much progress I've made in the past 2 years.
Yes, I get panic attacks and get anxious but just like the tour name I'm determined to have No Bad Days.
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