Dear Cathy

The below post first appeared on Tharunka Online on March 8 2017 in celebration of International Women's Day. The original post can be found here https://goo.gl/yyLmhq 

Dear Cathy,

You’re about to step onto the airplane, worried about the turbulence and whether our luggage will make it to the other side of the world.  In eight hours, the bustling, loud city of Hong Kong will become the quiet, green city of Sydney.

Everything about you is going to change in the coming years, except that you are irrefutably a Chinese girl. This may seem superficial to you; after all, you are so much more than that. You’ll be surprised how many times you’ll be reduced to a Chinese girl, especially when there’s a quota to fill.

Navigating this new society will be testing. You’ll distance yourself from your culture in an attempt to fit in with the white girls. Clothes sold in shops will never fit you quite right. You’ll worry about how to fit (the expectation of) being a mother into your long list of ambitions. Magazines will talk about girl power but never show anyone that looks like you. This same girl power, the kid version of feminism, won’t be inclusive of all girls. You’ll soon figure out that everyone will preach equality only to the confines of their own situation.

Men who have never heard the word “no” will feel entitled to speak to you. One will ask you to follow him home from the city; another will approach you and ask you to tell him about your culture; an acquaintance will tell you he doesn’t believe in equality. Boys will play you, rate you and ghost you. Any reaction you give them will play into the existing image of you being a submissive Asian girl or an angry feminist.

We don’t have a terrible life by any means. Our home here is lovely, academically you’re doing well and you’ve got a great support network. Every once in a while, a passing remark will remind you of your female-ness and your Asian-ness. It’ll be confronting, uncomfortable and confusing.

This might seem frightening. Trying to make sense of your new reality, you’ll be angry and bitter for a long time. Be uncompromising of who you are, even through your emo phase that no one asked for. Being a woman isn’t terrible. Take joy in your female friendships and strangers who will call you the wrong name to save you on a night out. You’ll have enlightening conversations about the meaning of life and debate when One Direction will reunite over late night Dominos and a bottle of moscato under a string of fairy lights. It’s a wonderful community.

Don’t live in the anger of your inequality. Surround yourself with open-minded friends and pick your battles. It’s easy to hate but much harder to spread love and understand why society is the way it is.

Take a deep breath and get ready to step off that plane. Turbulence was the least of your worries.

Your wildest ride is about to begin.

Love,

Cathy